Deadly confusion

The ecstatic feeling i get from the drug

Is something i cant compare to anything

This kind of happiness, I have never felt before.

This kind of joy, is an experience I can not express.

The happiness may be short term, artificial even,

But it feels more real than most people around me.

The ones who really care,

Have asked me to stop

I have tried constantly.

I have failed miserably.

My body craves it even more now.

I'm addicted to the drug,

It's as simple as that.

But is it really simple?

Just the thought of the suffering that my body will undergo,

Is a ghastly thought.

So that's a thought I try to avoid.

I cant stop now.

Because even though I know I have to.

I dont want to.

I want to continue.

For I'm not strong enough to stop.

I want to isolate myself.

In a room, alone, myself I wish to lock.

I want to knowingly poison myself.

For the poison brings pleasure.

I want to tie the noose for my hanging myself.

The time I have left I want to live feeling like a treausre.

The will to live is holding me back,

Holding me back from dancing down the road.

The road that leads to my death.

I sit in a corner and watch

The duece and the angel battle.

I don't know who will win.

Sometimes I cheer for the devil,

Sometimes I cheer for the Angel.

Sometimes I feel that this confusion is killing me more

Than the drug itself.